Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves
by Emperor's Sister
Summary: A Christmas Slayfic. Why one never writes their christmas wishes to Santa's little helpers... because you may just get it.
1. Part 1

Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves

By the Emperor's Sister

Part 1:

The NP Elf Workers Union meeting was in session.

"Oh Romero! Touch me Again!"

Well actually the Union members were watching a titillating romance movie.

"You know, that doesn't look too comfy. Let alone as arousing as they're trying to make it seem." a dark haired member annonced as he pressed his spectacles back to the designated resting place.

"Che, she's faking it." A tiny blonde female member snorted.

"Well that proves that. Bosoms really can heave." Another pointy eared member noted as the buxom petite redheaded woman heaved in the embrace of her passionate yet deceptively wicked looking lover.

_Rrriiip_

The little people all leaned forwards as the fiery actress was about to be ravished when…

"WE GOT ONE!!" Another elf burst in on them spoiling the moment.

"GAW!"

"Come ON!"

"For crying out Loud Nimbles! We're watching a movie here!"

"But THIS is important we…"

"Ever notice that someone always calls or interrupts JUST as the good part comes on?" The same blonde girl mentioned.

"HELLO! This Is Important, though you do have a point there Bubbles. We Got One!"

The tiny room full of elves looked at the party crasher as he grinned rather merrily.

"Ok. One What?" Bubbles finally asked.

"A… Letter."

"You mean…?"

"Yes, Fozbutt."

"A Real…?"

"Abso-posa-lutely Mimples!"

"Like the Boss Man Always gets?"

"I-Den-Ti-Cle!!"

The quartet of elves leaped into the air with high-pitched elfish squeaks of glee. "Read it! Read it!" they demanded of their brother.

"Dear Santa's Elves…"

"Yeay it's really for US!!" Bubbles burst. "Keep Going!"

Nimbles cleared his throat excitedly before continuing. "I am writing to you with my Christmas time request as year after year I have noticed that your employer, Mr. Santa Clause, is being most un-just."

"That sounds soo familiar." Fozbutt noted, "Who was it that wrote like that again?"

"Wasn't it that um... Princess? Ameria or something?" Mimples mused, twirling his salt and pepper locks.

"Shut-it!" Bubbles snapped, "Nimbles will get there. Keep Going!"

"Right, where was I?" Nimbles began once more, "Oh here. You see he persists on keeping some close friends of mine on the naughty list, when in fact, deep down, they are fighters of truth and justice! Mr. Zelgadis for starters is a kind and sweet young man, whose only fault is that people find his features to be that of a monster, when in fact he is rather dashing and handsome and will do anything for those that he cares about, even sacrificing himself, he's just so very amazing and true. Whoa, run on sentence there. You can tell she likes the guy."

"Yup that's defiantly Princess Amelia of Seyrunn."

"And Mr. Gourry is the most generous and bravest of spirits! He cannot help it if at times he appears a bit dim witted. He is a warrior of Light and Truth! So the constant battles leave him feeling rather… famished. And Mr. Xellos may be a demon, but he strives to go against his baser evil villainous nature and aid those in search of the Light!" Nimbles read on. "But most of all I am writing on the behalf of my dearest of female friends, one Lina Inverse."

"What? The Bandit Killer?"

"The Dragon Spooker?"

"The Enemy of All Who Live, Lina Inverse?"

"I guess so." Nimbles shrugged. "You may have heard the rumors, and harsh and evil nick names attached to my friend, but have you heard of all the very good things she has done? I suspected not, so I take it upon myself, Amelia Wil Tesla Seylunn to tell you. Lina has saved our world numerous times. She has selflessly defeated numerous evil dark lords from our world and the next. She has opened up travel to other parts of the country by dissolving the great magic barrier. She has aided dragons, rescued merchantmen from money-grubbing witches, and even made friends both villains and heroes, seeing the goodness that lies within their hearts. In all honesty she is worthy of at least 1 Christmas present this year. So I ask you kindly to rethink this horrid ban on my friends and make this Christmas a Very Merry one for all. Love and Cookies, Amelia."

"Sniff that letter was sooo touching!"

"It very much breaks my candy cane heart to hear it."

"Really the boss man can be too cruel."

"Hear Hear."

"So… lets fix it then." Nimbles announced, "Lets give these poor kids their Most Desired Christmas Wish!"

"What and Excellent Idea Nimbles!"

"Yes! Lets!"

"Hooray!"

"Um... but lets do it after the movie. It's a rental."

"Yeah"

"Sounds good."

"No arguments here."

And so our leading lady continued to be ravished before the jolly little elves, much to their delight.

"Ya know, she kind of looks like the Inverse girl, with a boob job."

"Hmmm… what do you say Bubbles."

"Hmm… oh yeah. Those knockers are real."

"Sweeeet!"

"Oh ROMERO!! YES YES YEEESSSSS!!"

to be continued 


	2. Part 2

Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves

By the Emperor's Sister

Part 2:

Lina awoke to a pounding in her skull and a heavy weight upon her chest. Blearily her aching head recalled the past night of revelry. They had stopped in this town, about a day or two of traveling from Seyrunn, because of snow. Seeing as how it was that festive time of year the team partook of heavy drinking and merry-making before collapsing in their beds in a drunken stupor.

'Crap… now just who did I pass out with.' Lina groaned mentally, 'well best make this quick.'

With that final pain filled thought, Lina swung out her fist at the offending pressure's direction, and ended up striking nothing and causing her to fall off the bed. With a startled meep she braced herself for impact with the floor.

Which didn't quite come.

Opening her sensitive, blood-shot eyes she saw… floor.

"Huh?"

The floor was in fact about an inch or three from her face.

"Why didn't I hit…" she mused confusedly before glancing further down. It appears she HAD hit the ground after all.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!! OH GAWDS MY BAAACK!"

The rest of the slayers crew, as well as the inn's other customers were rudely awaken from their slumber by the red head's banshee-like cries.

Breakfast only began to get even more interesting.

"Here you are Mr. Xellos. This should help sooth your up-set stomach." The firey haired waitress supplied.

"Ah thank you Shadow Lina." Xellos grinned his telltale grin. "But the agony that all these hung over humans are giving off quite makes up for the love and joy I suffered last night."

"Ah, alright. And it's Liny." The shadow child concluded before going back to serving coffee as quietly as she could.

Xellos sat back and watched the room with amusement. It had been quite the trip. They stumbled here frost bitten and covered in cold white fluff, only to be greeted by Lina's Shadow Reflection of long long ago, and lots and lots of alcohol. With much story telling and catching up, along with even more drinking eating and, most un-pleasantly, bursts of caroling, they had spent the night at the 'Chubby Hubby' inn. Though most did not realize it but they had been visited that night by, as far as he could describe, dwarf elves. He could barely suppress himself as he waited to see what they had done.

And if Lina's cries were anything to go by, it wouldn't be much longer.

Zelgadis was the first to come down, dragging and pushing himself over to the table. Next came Gourry, carrying a large bowl of pudding, gazing into its gooey depths rather morosely as a confused and concerned Sylphiel followed behind, patting his back now and then. Amelia virtually skipped to the table, glancing back now and then to see if their leader was following along well enough. Ah and here be Lina.

'WOA.'

Lina had strapped herself into a tight fitting leather and steel corset. It apparently was rather necessary, as she now had to juggle a pair of the largest breasts he had ever seen. And there were a number of buxom succubae on WPI.

"My my Lina-chan. Have a good night?"

"Shut it fruit cake." Lina growled as she rested her weight on the table. "Damn these things weigh a ton."

Zelgadis stopped chewing on the table to drool over her presence instead. Lina blinked. "Uhm.. Why are there three of you?"

Zel sighed as he accepted his cuppa joe from Liny. "That's demon me, this is golem me. I'm human me." He explained drowning himself in the hot, bitter liquid.

"Oh."

"Uhm, would any of you like to try some breakfast?" Liny queried and was startled as Gourry burst into tears. "Ah, did I say something wrong?"

"Gourry-dear woke up and discovered a never-ending supply of pudding bowl at the end of his bed." Sylphiel explained. "I don't know why he's so upset though."

"Waaahhh It…s C…cause… SYLPHIE'S IN IT!! WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

"Eh?" Lina asked.

"It seems the famed swordsman of light sees our little priestess in his food. How curious." Xellos snickered.

Sylphiel blushed guiltily. Amelia looked away.

It was actually Liny who caught it. "Alright girls what did you two do." She asked kindly, sitting next to her somewhat twin.

"Wow its like honey-dews and water melons." Zel announced, gaining the red head's attention. "Oh did I say that out loud?"

"Yes." Growled Lina.

"Oh you, teeheehee." Giggled Liny.

"ANYWAY!" Lina slapped the table causing the guilty ones to jump. "Talk! NOW!"

"Um... well… you see. We were just writing our Christmas letters." Sylphiel began.

"And, I thought about how you guys never seemed to get anything from Santa…" Amelia continued.

"And so we thought that was wrong as you are really deserving…"

"So I took it upon myself to write to his elves about the matter."

"And it seems our Christmas wishes were... er.. Granted?"

"I'd hardly call separating my demon and golem halves a cure."

"I can't eat waaah."

"Shut up everyone."

"Well I'm definitely going to enjoy this Christmas it seems." Xellos chuckled, earning himself a quick sock to the jaw, courtesy of our volatile red head.

to be continued 


	3. Part 3

Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves

By the Emperor's Sister

Part 3:

Lina Inverse was annoyed. Which normally isn't anything new, but take into account her aching back, her inability to get her plates close without knocking them off the table via her new bust size, and the fact that every male, and a few females, wouldn't stop asking her for her autograph, and you've got warning bells a 'ringing.

"DAMNIT FOR THE UPTEENTH TIME, I AM NOT RINA INTROVERSE!" She roared at the slimy individual before her, causing him slither off as fast as he was capable. "Just who the hell is this person anyway?"

"Ah, Rina Introverse is a rather popular… actress."

"Why the pause Liny?" Lina pressed, feeling that she wouldn't appreciate the answer.

"She does… adult films. Mostly heaving bosoms and busting bodices, with a side dish of ravishment by sexy somewhat villains." Shadow Lina confessed before scurrying back to work.

Now this is normally the part where Lina is so enraged that she Dragon Slaves the inn into next Tuesday. But it never happened. Not that she didn't try to. It's that pronouncing 'Dragon Slave' as 'Dragon Sla… ah… yeah… hooo… IIIIEEEEEEEE!' does not produce enough magic to fire up an explosion. Apparently Lina's new bust caused her to become unbalanced and she ended up toppling over onto the floor.

"Ouch."

"Maybe we should all take a walk?' Sylphiel supplied, hoping some fresh winter air would cool down her temperamental friend.

"Good idea Sylph." Human Zel grinned as he helped Lina back to her feet.

"Hand."

"What? I'm helping you up?"

"No. HAND!"

"Eh? OH!" Zel blushed as he realized his hand had grasped onto Lina's ample globes. Quickly depositing the petite red head on her feet he mused, "Man, a guy could get Carpel Tunnel from those babies."

"EXCUSE ME!?!"

"Ah… that was out loud again, huh."

Human Zelgadis was rather lucky that Lina couldn't cast anything without falling over; else he'd be in a new world of pain.

The brisk walk about town seemed to do wonders to the sorceress' disposition, much to her friend's relief. They enjoyed looking at the festive decorations, and aside from Gourry, eating the festive treats and holiday snacks. They even joined some youngsters in a snowball fight. Yes spirits were high as they wondered off to admire the ice sculptures in the square across from the 'Chubby Hubby'.

One statue in particular caught everyone's eye. It was of a rather well endowed petite woman prostrating herself in cheerful submission. It was a sculpture of the aforementioned Rina Introverse, with heaving bosoms nearly falling out of her snow-capped gown.

Lina glared at her in hatred.

"You know, looking at this statue, there's not much of a resemblance." Human Zel commented as he sprinkled some salt on Demon Zel's tongue, which was stuck to a metal pole.

Lina smiled.

"I mean, Lina's tits are waaay bigger than that porn stars. Not that they were before, but then they were a rather nice handful… OH By La-Sama WHY can't I SHUT UP!" Zel cried as Lina's smile turned into a gaze of heated fury, sizzling into his spine.

Amelia burst into tears. "Oh Mr. Zelgadis! I never knew you were such a Pervert!"

"This is YOUR fault isn't it Xellos!" Zelgadis rounded on the smug trickster.

"Nope, but I do find your dilemma most amusing and nourishing too."

Xellos grinned.

Amelia blushed.

Gourry tried to eat some falling snow and screamed.

Sylphiel paled.

Demon Zel sniffed a tree.

Human Zel twitched.

Golem Zel stared at Rina's sculpture.

Lina roared.

"That Is IT! Back to the Inn! We're are going to sit down and find out EXACTLY what ALL these accursed gifts are NOW!" She decreed, frightening every living thing in their area. "And then we'll Get Rid Of Them! So… MOOVE!"

And there was much dashing through the snow.

to be continued 


	4. Part 4

Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves

By the Emperor's Sister

Part 4:

The Slayers crew had just marched back to their designated table when the common room's lights dimmed.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" a rather portly man announced, "As is tradition here in Shvell, the Cubby Hubby proudly presents… Your Waitresses!"

The lights at the front of the room were brightened considerably to reveal Shadow Lina and her three fellow co-workers, dolled up in provocative santa-esque uniforms.

"Hit it Girls!" and festive music began to play.

"String up the lights and light up the tree!"

"We're going to make some revelry!"

"Spirits are high so we can tell!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"People are nicer as you pass them by!"

"There are lots of arts and crafts to buy!"

"The snow is falling and all is well!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"There goes Chubby Farmer,"

"With a festive Christmas ham!"

"After he's done cooking it,"

"He'll serve it up as Spam!"

"And there goes Sister Melody,"

"Caroling with the nuns!"

"Collecting alms for the holidays,"

"Ceifeed bless us everyone!"

"Everybody has a happy glow!"

"Lets dance in the pristine, pure white snow!"

"Even monsters, it seems, are under the spell!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"Why not try our Pecan Boar!"

"Even if you're full you'll ask for more!"

"Can you resist how good it smells?"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"Here's a rack to hand the stockings on!"

"If you still have to shop there isn't long!"

"My, Miss Lina's hair looks swell!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"There's princess Amelia,"

"Next to the mistletoe!"

"If she'll make good use of it,"

"I guess we'll never know!"

"For one day we all stop cursing,"

"And our friends are not so thick!"

"All the screaming and the torture stops,"

"The night we get visited by St. Nick!"

"So string up the lights and light up the tree!"

"Toss back a mug or two or three!"

"For just one day all is well!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

"Got some orders to fill and make them quick!"

"Getting everything done is quite the trick!"

"So kiss your lover and ring the bell!"

"Its Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Its Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Christmas time!"

"Its Christmas time in Shvell!"

Once the polite applause died out the tired performers grabbed their trays and returned to serving tables.

"This place is called Shvell?" Lina questioned, startled by the whole musical number.

"Actually this is the town of Cheval, but over the years, with mispronunciation, it became Shvell." Liny explained.

"Ah, so that answers why the house specials are always horse."

Liny shrugged as she leaned over their table to set down some spiced holiday ale. Unfortunately her movement left her tightly mini-skirted behind in clear view of one Zelgadis Greywierds.

Demon Zel that is.

"WOMAN!" he shouted gleefully as he pounced.

"Eeeek!" Liny squealed as she was unceremoniously dragged to the floor.

Amazingly enough the one to hurry to the poor Shadow Inverse's rescue was the Beast Master's General himself, Xellos Metallium. He reached down and whilst pulling the rumpled Liny to the safety of his lap, he bopped the hormonally crazed demon on his head.

"Bad Brow Demon! Bad!" Xellos scolded, rapping the blue demon boy with his staff once more. "No Humping Liny-chan! Very Bad!"

Demon Zel whimpered and sat apologetically on the floor, the kicked puppy look on his face.

Feeling a bit sorry for the cute demon boy, the rumpled Liny tossed him a small candied treat. "There there little guy. It's okay. Happens every year." She said patting the now happily panting Zelgadis, and ruffling his blue hair. "Anyhoo… what happened exactly to all of you? You all certainly weren't like this last night."

The red head's question seemed to bring them back on track. After quickly bringing Liny up to speed they commenced

"So, Mr. Zelgadis wanted…" Liny began.

"Cure."

"Mr. Gourry?"

"Food… _sniff _precious delightful food…"

"Miss Lina… ah obviously a larger cup size."

Lina looked away.

"Now, Miss Sylphiel?"

"Um… to have Gourry-dear think of me… at least a little bit… oh dear."

"Ah so that's why he's been screaming lately." Lina deducted. "The blonde only thinks when he eats, normally about food. Now whenever he does he sees bits of Sylphiel…"

"Ewww."

"That's icky."

"Poor guy."

"Sorry."

"Ah, now Princess Amelia?"

"I only wanted Zelgadis-san to be able to speak his inner-most thoughts… uh oh."

"Oh, so this is all YOUR fault!" human Zel growled.

"I was only hoping to help you out." Amelia tried, but thinking 'Though really I hoped you'd confess your love for me and justice.'

"And you Mr. Xellos?"

"It's a secret." Lina supplied before Xellos even opened his mouth to speak.

"It is?"

"It ALWAYS is."

"The fruitcake is very predictable." Human Zel added.

Xellos looked rather offended. "Actually, I didn't get anything, thank you very much."

No one knew what to say to that.

"Ah, is it me, or are we missing someone?" Sylphiel asked, breaking the tension.

Everyone glanced around and groaned.

"Crap! Where's Golem Zel?"

"Last I recall he was with us when we were looking at the statues, Lina-san."

"Great we left the big stone lug outside?"

"Well don't blame me," Zel began his defense, "I was busy trying to control demon me and my tongue!"

"Do you mean that quiet stone fellow that follows you about?" Liny asked. "He seems fine."

"Eh? How would you know?" Lina wondered.

"Because I can see him out that window there." Liny pointed, from her perch upon Xellos' lap.

Everyone turned to see one Golem Zelgadis standing before the ice sculpture of Rina Introverse, almost exactly as they had left him.

"Would look at that."

"He's giving her a flower! How sweet."

"Is she blushing? I can't really tell from here."

"Can ice sculptures blush?"

"So cute!"

"Way to go, Golem Zel!"

"Woof!"

"Right. Golem me is just peachy with his new girlfriend. Now how do we return these Gifts!?"

The slayers re-sat themselves and thought it over. They were rather stumped on that one. Well all except for one sneaky, tricky individual that is.

"Well Lina-chan, why don't you pay a visit to the ones who gave you these gifts to begin with." Xellos smiled, "I believe they're still in town, from what I saw."

They all stared at the smiling demon for a full five minutes before reacting.

"Show Us DAMNIT!"

And so with Liny declaring her break, they made their way to a nearby shed, where nestled inside all snug in their beds, were four dwarfish elves. One could practically smell the sugarplums that danced in their heads. Gourry whimpered as his tummy growled.

Lina began to go through the motions of waking the little darling up when she paused, remembering. "Ah, Liny? Would you mind? Just this once?"

"Sure Miss Lina." Liny agreed, "I'll just think of it as my Christmas gift to you. Keeps me off the Naughty List."

" Fire Ball " 

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

to be continued 


	5. Part 5 the finale

Why It's Never Dear Santa's Elves

By the Emperor's Sister

Part 5:

Once the flames had died down, the smoldering elfins were bound in magical holding circles and glared at by most of the slayers crew. It lasted until someone just had to ask…

"So, just what are they?"

And no, it wasn't Gourry.

"We're ELVES!" Nimbles spat out, a puff of some flittering out with his ire.

"I don't know." Gourry mused, "I live with elves, and my great granny is one, and they are tall and not tiny and…"

"Yeah yeah and have ears like donkeys!" the elves snapped. "Well those tall and willowy tree huggers can sit on their bonsais and bakes brownies all day, We ARE Real Elves! Heck we work for the Big Boss Man, Santa Clause."

"We're union reps too." Fozbutt added.

"Okay fine, you're magical. Now care to explain why our the gifts you gave us aren't up to code?" Lina demanded.

"We don't do assembly line." Mimples confessed, frightened by the angry red head. "So our powers aren't up to par with our toy building brethren, but it's the thought that counts."

"He's got a point..."

"Stuff it Amelia. This is mostly your fault anyway." Zel snapped.

"If I may, what is wrong with your gifts anyway?" Bubbles piped in.

Gourry's eyes watered. "I… I… CAN'T EAT!"

"WHAT!!??" Bubbles roared with furiosity that rivaled Lina's own. "I slaved away on that pudding bowl and you DARE say that! What, am I bad baker huh! It that IT!"

"Ah, actually Mr. Gourry's problem is that every time he attempts to eat anything, he sees bit and pieces of Miss Sylphiel in it." Liny explained, calming the frothing blonde elf girl.

"Oh… yuck, I didn't do that."

"Oh sorry, that was I." Mimples grimaced, blowing a singed lock of his salt and pepper hair out of his face. "Though I didn't plan for it to do that. I can remove it though, it's just hypnotic suggestion."

"Can I keep the bowl?"

"No. Take back one present we take them all back." Nimbles decreed. "It's a boxing day thing."

"Suits me fine." Zel snorted. "I can't stop blurting out whatever pops into my head."

"Me again." Mimples confess. "Hypnosis is a fascinating study."

"So who separated me then? That's not really the cure I was looking for."

"Its not!" Bubbles whined, "You mean I wrecked my best potato peeler for nothing? How exactly did you expect me to cure you? I wasn't there when you were built you know. And if you were a little less naughty, you'd prolly be on the boss man's nice list and He could figure it out better."

"Oh don't give me that! And… wait did you say potato peeler?" Zel asked, confused.

Bubbles blushed. "Well… it was a magic potato peeler."

"Never mind." Zel gave up.

Releasing the elves, the slayers waited, as one by one their gifts were re-funded.

"Say, why didn't Mr. Xellos receive a gift?" Liny asked, as she watched Bubbles put Human, Golem, and Demon Zel back together with a magic butternut spread.

"Oh two important reasons why we had to skip him." Nimbles supplied. "First he's a non-Santa believer. Now some non-Santa believers get present anyway, but secondly he wasn't asleep."

"So no nappy no gifty?"

"Yup. Thems the rules."

"Uh, okay then."

Pretty soon the only one left was the buxom Miss Inverse. The elves looked at her rather un-comfortably.

"What's the hold up guys?"

"Well…"

"You see…"

"Its like this…"

Bravely steeping forwards, Fozbutt tried to explain. "Um, well, your boob job was from me, and I didn't have any silicone on me so... I kind of had to improvise."

"Improvise how?" Lina asked, feeling, a lot like she had when she asked about Rina Introverse.

"What did you use Fozbutt?" his partners asked, curious.

"AH, rum and eggnog."

"WHAT?"

"Its all I had on me! I swear!"

"So you're saying?"

"My breasts are filled with Christmas Eggnog?" Lina shrieked.

"Ye-ah. And you sort of have to well milk it out. Reallyverysorry!" He blurted out before he and his fellow union reps popped out of sight.

Everyone stared rather red faced.

"Can I watch?" Xellos asked.

_Slap_

"No!"

"I'll Help!" Gourry volunteered, not too sure what for though.

_Smack_

"Hell No!"

"Boys."

"Honestly."

"Girls?" Lina looked at her embarrassed travel companions, finding no help there.

Liny stood up, "Oh I'll help. Let me get some mugs." She returned quickly with a tray of empty cups, and lead Lina away.

'Wish I could watch THAT.' The Chimera Zelgadis thought to himself, pleased that it stayed inside his head.

_Smack_

"Ow!" He complained after being hit from behind, by the remaining females. "Why'd you do that for?"

"We KNOW what you were thinking!"

'Damn!'

Eventually a blushing, petite-busted Lina Inverse returned, Liny in tow. She hefted the tray of eggnog to a near by bench and sighed. "Well that's all of it. Anyone thirsty?"

"Uh no."

"I'll pass."

"I gave it, I'm not drinking it."

"I think I'm lactose intolerant."

"I'm not thirsty."

"Sure!" Gourry grinned and downed mug after rummy mug, much to everyone's surprise.

"Ah, Gourry-dear, you do know that that eggnog came from… Miss Lina, right?"

Gourry ahhed in satisfaction as he finished off the last glass, his stomach full at long last. "What do you mean?"

Lina looked ready to kill. But she stopped. "Never mind Gourry. I'm going to bed." And with that she left.

Everyone followed her lead, and left the shed, and their Christmas present memories, behind.

Xellos Metallium did not adjourn to his room, though. And it wasn't because he didn't have one, which he didn't; it was just he was feeling a little bit restless. As if there was something that He, of all people, had missed. Entering the dining hall he noticed that it was empty save for Liny and some other waitresses, who were cleaning up.

"Good Evening Liny-chan!"

"Oh? Ah, good evening Mr. Xellos." Liny answered, placing her heavy tray aside to wipe down a table. "Was there something you needed?"

"Hmm… now that you mention it. I'm rather curious about your volunteering to service our volatile Lina-chan this afternoon."

Liny looked at the demon general and smirked. "Now Mr. Xellos, you should know better. I am Miss Lina's Shadow Reflection." She pointed out, picking up her load once more.

"So anything Miss Lina wouldn't do, I sure would!" She tossed to him, along with a saucy wink, before heading for the kitchens.

It was then that Xellos realized quite a number of juicy little things about his red headed waitress. 'Especially her deliciously un-canny resemblance to a Miss Rina Introverse… AH!' And with his slitted eyes popping open, and a hungry smile gracing his lips, Xellos skipped after his pray rather playfully.

"You know Liny-chan, we of the monster race don't celebrate Christmas."

"Really Mr. Xellos?"

"Instead we have Eight Crazy Nights. Care to join me for a little 'celebrating'?"

"Teeheehee! Oh Mr. Xellos!"

"Call me Xelly!"

…

The tacky yellow tomb closed with a loud thwap on the Emperor's Sister's lap. "So." She said, gazing down at the chibi dark lords at her feet. "What did we all learn from this story?"

The little demons shifted uncomfortably on their seats before the Hellmaster finally spoke up. "We learned that hunting through your underwear drawer for early Christmas presents," Phibrizo began, "will result in swift punishment by being forced to listen to inane and pointless Christmas stories."

"Exactly!" Esis grinned. "Now bugger off. I've got things still to do."

The dark lords scurried off quickly, fearful that she would change her mind and read another silly seasonal story.

"FELIZ NAVIDAD EVERYONE!"

The End 


End file.
